Father and son: A father should be present not just physically but also emotionally. (www.patheos.com)
This year, the world will celebrate World Fathers’ Day on Sunday 21st. This is a day that is dedicated to honouring fathers all over the world. For Kenyans, this comes at a time when in the past two or three weeks, the country has witnessed some bizarre happenings in one part of the country. What has caught the attention of the whole country are the incidents where two women were arrested for chopping off the genitals of their husbands. Many social commentators have condemned these acts. In response, Maendeleo ya Wanaume, a lobby group for men has proposed radical measures that include jailing for life, women who engage in such acts. I think that is too severe. It is akin to trying to treat a symptom rather than the sickness. But then, what is the sickness facing us? What is happening in Nyeri is a problem that is not only confined to Nyeri. It is a global problem, manifesting now in Kenya through what we have seen happening in Nyeri. The women in Nyeri claim that the men there spend all the day drinking without working. More than not being able to provide for their families, the women also accuse the men of not being able to sire children. Politicians from the region have joined the bandwagon, pointing out that drunkardness among men is one of the major challenges facing the region. For me, the problem that we are dealing with here is that of fatherlessness, a problem that is afflicting the whole world. Research in more than eighty countries of the world has shown that dysfunctional family life is the biggest problem of the world, with fatherlessness at the centre of the problem. Research has also shown that virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherlessness – violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancy and suicide. Fatherlessness in many societies comes in the form of a father being absent because of death, divorce or separation, or it could come in the form of under-fathering, where the father is present at home but does not take an active role in parenting. The cases in Nyeri are not unique or isolated. It happens in other Kenyan communities too. I think we are hearing about what is happening in Nyeri because the Nyeri women are more vocal and assertive. This is good for them because it has prompted leaders to start thinking of finding solutions to the problem. As we approach Fathers Day later this week, it is important that anyone who is called a father, either biologically or by adoption, should think seriously about what being a father is. Are you a father just because you have sired children with a woman, or are you a father because you understand your role of fatherhood? A father needs to have clarity of conviction and direction. A father is the leader in the family and he needs to know where he is leading the family based on his convictions. A father should provide direction for the family by saying no to that which is wrong and standing up for that which is right. Martin Luther King said that a father“…avoids the complacency and do-nothingness of the soft-minded”. A father should have a tough mind and a soft heart so that he can fight vigorously the evils existing in the world in a humble and loving spirit. As we celebrate Fathers’ Day, father’s should remember to play their role as ‘providers’, ‘protectors’, ‘prophets’ and being ‘present’, as Pastor Simon Mbevi of Transform Nations is wont to say. They should be present not just physically but also emotionally. With that, we will no longer hear women vowing to go to jail for chopping off the genitals of their husbands!
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