I heard a story of two twin brothers who were robbers. One of them died then the remaining brother went to the local priest and asked him to burry his brother. The priest agreed. Then the brother asked the priest to say that his brother was a saint. The priest refused this plea. After much pleading, the priest finally agreed.
On the day of the burial, the priest went through all the funeral rites. He mentioned all the crimes that the man had done in his life time, to the disappointment of the living brother. Finally he said, “But compared to his brother who is alive, the dead man was a saint!”
Why do I bring this illustration? In the last one month, I have had the opportunity to attend two funeral ceremonies around Nairobi, actually in Central province. My experience has really been different from what I have experienced in other Kenyan communities, especially in Western Kenya in Nyanza and Western provinces.
The biggest difference that I witnessed is in the area of eulogizing a dead person. In Western Kenya, the number of people wanting to eulogise the dead can be overwhelming. Actually, the eulogizing would start the night before the day of the funeral.
Every other person who is related to the departed in any way would want to throw in a word about how close he or she was to the departed. This would include all the friends and relatives of the dead, distant and close.
And then on the day of the burial, another lot of people would talk – sons, daughters, parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, in-laws and any other person who is considered a close relative – not forgetting friends and colleagues.
But in the Central Kenya burials I attended, it is only the person who reads the eulogy on behalf of the family, the master of ceremony and the officiating priest who will get the chance to address the mourners. It will surprise others that even the dead person’s wife or husband does not talk about his / her departed spouse.
When I asked why they prefer that only a few people talk, I was told it is because burial occasions had become notorious where even people who were known to be social misfits and criminals were eulogized as great guys. This always left a bad taste in the mouths of many mourners. It was common to hear people grumbling on such occasions because of the lies that are peddled in the name of eulogizing the dead.
I remember a case in my village where a woman could not be allowed to enter her estranged husband’s compound when he died. She had to eulogise him through the fence. The irony was that she was talking of “the man that I loved”, yet they had separated for many years!
I think the practice where it is only a few people who are allowed to talk during a funeral service should be encouraged. It will save many people the temptation of lying when asked to eulogise a dead person. What think you?
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