Each of us needs to have one or two difficult conversations right now.
Yes, I said it. Right now!
Perhaps you are a husband who needs to have a conversation with your wife about her impulsive spending habits.
Or you are a wife who needs to have a conversation with your husband about him spending more time with his friends than he spends with his family.
Or you are an employer who needs to have a serious conversation with an employee who misses his deadlines or who reports late to work every day.
Perhaps you are a pastor who needs to have a conversation with your team member who has toxic relationships with the rest of the team.
If you are a parent, you may need to have a conversation with your son or daughter regarding his choice of friends.
These are conversations that make us uncomfortable because we don’t know how they will end. They also make us uncomfortable because we fear that we may lose our friends or we may lose our employees.
Most of us come from a place where we think that confrontation should be avoided at all costs. We see a problem that is causing disruption in the work place or in the family but we are not willing to tackle it as soon as we see it.
Experts propose different ways of dealing with such situations. But one thing they agree about is that you should not put it off. Do it now.
But to do it now, you need courage.
One Rosalie Puiman says 'If you don't say it, you'll show it'. If you don’t speak out it will show in your body language in a way that those who are around you will not like. This may undermine your influence as a parent or a leader in an organization.
While at it, adopt the 'And-stance'. That is, you are not the only one who is right. Accept that it is possible for others to have a different opinion, and at the same time, be just as right as you are.
To help you get started, begin from a place of curiosity and respect. Go into the conversation with an open mind and a genuine desire to learn. Be ready to listen more by resisting the temptation to talk more.
The Psalmist advises that we pray before having difficult conversations. He says in Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”.
In any relationship, we all come with our own emotions and misconceptions. In prayer, you ask God to help you with your shortcomings and not focus on the shortcoming of others – your wife, husband, child, worker.
This way, God will make clear to you anything that is wrong and which you need to deal with, even as you engage in a difficult conversation that has the potential to break a relationship that is important to you.
Then, God will lead you on the path that is always right!
But you must start the conversation today. Do not continue to postpone it. It may end up doing more harm than good to the relationship, to the organisation or to the community of believers.
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